The Understand-First Framework: Why Making Your Case Better Won't Get You Buy-In

⏳ Read Time: Less than 4 min.

Here's the uncomfortable truth about getting buy-in: the problem isn't your idea. It's that you're presenting it to someone who doesn't feel heard yet.

New research reveals a staggering gap—80% of leaders believe their messaging lands, while only 53% of employees agree. That 27-point perception gap isn't just a communication problem. It's a persuasion killer.

Today, I'm sharing the 3-part framework that flips the script on how you approach every important conversation. It's counterintuitive. It requires patience. And it works.
__________________________________________________________________

This Week’s Insights

✅ The Understand-First Framework for winning buy-in faster
✅ Why face-to-face requests are 35x more effective (and what that means for you)
✅ Why face-to-face requests are 35x more effective (and what that means for you)
✅ The 5-level listening spectrum that separates influencers from everyone else
✅ An AI prompt to prepare for any high-stakes conversation
✅ Your Copilot shortcut for persuasive slide messaging

THE MAIN EVENT
🎤 The Understand-First Framework: Why Making Your Case Better Won't Get You Buy-In

I spent 24 years in corporate banking watching brilliant ideas die in boardrooms. Not because they were flawed—but because they were delivered to people who weren't ready to receive them.

A 2024 study from PNAS crystallized what I'd observed for decades: people want to "feel heard"—to perceive they are understood, validated, and valued. Until that psychological need is met, your perfectly logical proposal is just noise.

Stephen Covey said it best: "Because you really listen, you become influenceable. And being influenceable is the key to influencing others."

Let me give you the framework that makes this practical.

The Understand-First Framework has three parts:

Part 1: Absorb (Listen to understand, not to respond)

Most people listen with their response loading in the background. You're nodding, but mentally you're rehearsing your counter-argument. Stop. Before your next important conversation, commit to absorbing their full perspective without formulating your reply. Research from the Center for Creative Leadership found that employee perception of being listened to is 2x greater when leaders listen AND take action, versus just listening passively.

Say this: "Before I share my thoughts, I want to make sure I fully understand yours. Walk me through your concerns."

Part 2: Articulate (Prove you understood)

This is where most people skip ahead—and lose the room. After absorbing, reflect back what you heard. Not word-for-word parroting, but capturing the essence of their position and the emotions behind it. This gives them "psychological air," as Covey called it—the validation that precedes openness.

Say this: "So what I'm hearing is that your main concern is [X], and there's also some frustration about [Y]. Did I get that right?"

Part 3: Advance (Now present, framed through their lens)

Only after parts one and two—only after they've confirmed you understand—do you introduce your idea. But here's the key: frame it through their concerns, not yours.

Say this: "Given your concern about [X], here's an approach that addresses exactly that..."

Why does this work? Because you've done something rare: you've made them feel heard before asking to be heard yourself. And new research confirms that face-to-face requests using this kind of empathic exchange are nearly 35 times more likely to succeed than digital communication attempts. The medium matters—but what you do with it matters more.

Try this framework in your next meeting where you need agreement. The patience it requires will feel uncomfortable. Do it anyway. The buy-in you'll generate will prove its worth.

QUICK HITTERS: Fast Wins for the Week

💡 Tip: Before your next difficult conversation, write down three things the other person might be worried about that have nothing to do with your proposal. Their budget constraints. Their team's bandwidth. Their boss's expectations. Address these first, unasked, and watch resistance dissolve.

📊 Stat of the Week: Workplace miscommunication costs U.S. businesses $26,000 per employee annually. That's not a typo. For a team of 50, that's $1.3 million in lost productivity, missed deadlines, and damaged relationships. (Source: Grammarly's 2024 State of Business Communication)

🎭 Power Move: "The Concerned Pause." When someone finishes speaking, don't immediately respond. Hold eye contact for two seconds, nod slowly, then say: "That's helpful—tell me more about [specific detail they mentioned]." This signals that you're processing, not just waiting for your turn. It builds trust faster than any clever response.

📖 Read: Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg (2024). Duhigg identifies three types of conversations—practical, emotional, and social—and shows that miscommunication usually happens when people are having different types of conversations simultaneously. Essential reading for anyone who wants to connect, not just communicate.

WEEKLY DEEP DIVE
The 5-Level Listening Spectrum: Where Do You Actually Land?

Research on workplace communication reveals that listening exists on a spectrum—and most professionals never get past level three. Here's where you might be, and how to climb higher:

Level 1: Ignoring — Physically present but mentally elsewhere. Checking emails during a call. Thinking about lunch. The speaker knows immediately. Trust erodes.

Level 2: Pretending — Nodding and making "mm-hmm" sounds while your mind wanders. The speaker eventually catches on, feels dismissed, and stops sharing what matters.

Level 3: Selective — Hearing parts that interest you or confirm what you already believe. Dangerous because you think you're listening, but you're filtering out anything that challenges your view.

Level 4: Active — Full attention on words, tone, and body language. You're processing the content and asking clarifying questions. This is where productive dialogue begins.

Level 5: Empathic — The highest level. You're tuned into what's being said AND what's not being said. The emotions behind the words. The concerns they haven't voiced. This is where influence happens.

The honest assessment: Most of us operate at levels 2-3 in our daily interactions, rising to level 4 for important meetings. Level 5 requires intentional effort—and it's worth every ounce of that effort.

Your challenge this week: Pick one conversation each day and commit to level 5. Notice how differently people respond when they feel truly understood.

If you want to master the conversations that matter most, my Business Storytelling Mini-Course teaches you how to structure messages that connect emotionally AND logically:

AI TIP OF THE WEEK

📌 Tool: Tome.app

Use this ChatGPT prompt before any important meeting where you need buy-in:

"I'm preparing for a conversation with [role/name] about [topic]. Their likely concerns are [list 2-3 potential objections]. Using the Understand-First Framework (Absorb, Articulate, Advance), help me:  1. Draft 3 open-ended questions to understand their perspective first 2. Create reflection statements to prove I've understood their concerns 3. Frame my proposal through the lens of their priorities  Make the language natural and conversational, not scripted."

Why this works: Most people prepare conversations by perfecting their pitch. This prompt forces you to prepare by anticipating the other person's world—which is where buy-in actually lives.

For more AI prompts that prepare you for professional moments that matter, check out my PowerPoint Copilot Quickstart Prompt Pack

💻 Copilot Corner

Make Your Slides Speak to Their Concerns, Not Just Your Points

The Understand-First Framework applies to presentations too. Instead of slides that say "Here's what we're proposing," create slides that say "Here's what you told us matters—and how we're addressing it."

Try this Copilot prompt: "Rewrite this slide headline to acknowledge [stakeholder's specific concern] before presenting my solution. Keep it under 10 words."

Before: "Our Recommended Approach"

After: "Protecting Your Q2 Budget While Accelerating Results"

For the complete system of Copilot prompts that transform how you create persuasive presentations, get my Copilot PowerPoint Master Guide (£29).

ACTION STEPS & COMMUNITY QUESTION

✅ This week's challenge: In your next conversation where you need agreement, use the Understand-First Framework. Absorb their perspective completely. Articulate it back until they confirm you've understood. Only then advance your idea—framed through their concerns.

Time it: Aim to spend 70% of the conversation on Absorb and Articulate, and only 30% on Advance. It will feel backwards. That's the point.

Community question: What's the hardest conversation you have coming up this week? Reply and let me know—I might feature it in next week's newsletter with specific tactics.

P.S.
Next week we're diving into Leadership & Influence—specifically, the 4-question framework that transforms how your team responds to direction. I'll share the exact questions one CEO uses to turn resistance into ownership before she gives a single instruction.

See you then!

Keep building your edge—one conversation at a time.

YOUR OPINION MATTERS!

If you have more feedback or just want to get in touch, respond to this email, and we’ll get back to you!

Thanks for reading!

Until next week!

Mary Beth