Why your brain ignores "calm down" (and what it hears instead)

⏳ Read Time: Less than 3 min.

Quick quiz: You're about to present to senior leadership. Your heart's racing. Palms sweating. What do you do?

If you said "try to calm down"—congratulations, you're with 90% of people. You're also wrong.

Today: the neuroscience of why "calm down" backfires, and the 90-second reframe that elite performers use instead. Spoiler: it's counterintuitive. And it works immediately.
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This Week’s Insights

✅ Why your brain ignores "calm down" (and what it hears instead)
✅ The Harvard study that flipped everything we knew about pre-performance nerves
✅ Why anxiety and excitement are neurological twins
✅ The 3-word phrase that improved performance by 52%
✅ How to use the 90-second chemical window before it closes

THE MAIN EVENT
🎤 The Confidence Calibration Technique

Here's what nobody tells you about pre-presentation anxiety:

Your body can't tell the difference between anxiety and excitement.

Same racing heart. Same sweaty palms. Same butterflies. Neurologically, they're identical twins—high arousal states with the same physiological signature.

The only difference? The story you tell yourself about them.

Harvard researcher Alison Wood Brooks tested this. She put people through anxiety-inducing tasks—karaoke, public speaking, maths under pressure—and gave them different instructions.

The results were wild:

Karaoke singers who said "I am excited" scored 81% on pitch and rhythm. Those who said "I am calm" scored 53%. Same song. Same nerves. Different framing. 52% better performance.

Speakers rated as "excited" were judged more persuasive, more confident, and more competent than those trying to be calm. They even spoke longer—more words, more impact.

Why "calm down" fails:

When you're in a high-arousal state and try to feel calm, you're asking your brain to make two changes simultaneously: shift from high to low arousal AND shift from negative to positive emotion. That's a big ask for a brain that's already flooded with stress hormones.

Worse: your amygdala—the brain's alarm system—processes threat signals 20 milliseconds faster than your rational brain can evaluate them. By the time you think "calm down," your body's already decided "DANGER."

And when your body is screaming "danger" while your mind whispers "calm down," guess who wins?

The smarter play:

"I am excited" only requires one shift—from negative to positive. You keep the high arousal (your body's already there anyway) and just relabel it. You work with your physiology instead of against it.

The technique:

1. Notice the sensation (racing heart, tight chest, whatever yours is)

2. Say out loud: "I am excited" (yes, out loud—even quietly works)

3. Reframe the meaning: "This energy means I care. This is fuel."

That's it. Three steps. Takes about 10 seconds. Changes the entire trajectory of your performance.

QUICK HITTERS: Fast Wins for the Week

💡 Tip: The "opportunity mindset" trigger. Before any high-stakes moment, ask: "What could go right here?" Brooks found this single question shifts you from threat mode (focused on avoiding failure) to opportunity mode (focused on potential gains). Different brain circuitry entirely.

📊 Stat: 90% of people believe "calm down" is the best strategy for pre-performance anxiety. But telling yourself to calm down when you're already aroused is like trying to stop a car by hitting the accelerator and brake simultaneously. (Harvard Business School, 2014)

🎭 Power Move: The Pre-Presentation Priming. 60 seconds before you present, find a private spot and do a small physical pump—a fist clench, a power stance, or even just say "Let's go!" quietly. It primes your brain to interpret the arousal as excitement rather than threat.

📖 Read:My Stroke of Insightby Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. A neuroscientist who had a stroke and documented her brain's recovery in real-time. Her 90-second rule for emotions came from watching her own brain chemistry reset. Fascinating and practical

WEEKLY DEEP DIVE
The 90-Second Chemical Window

Here's the neuroscience that makes this work:

When you feel anxious, your amygdala triggers a chemical cascade. Cortisol and adrenaline flood your bloodstream. Your heart rate spikes. Your focus narrows.

But here's what Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor discovered: those chemicals flush through your system in 90 seconds.

That's it. 90 seconds from trigger to flush.

If you're still feeling it after 90 seconds, it's because your thoughts are re-triggering the cascade. You're creating new waves of chemicals by replaying the threat in your mind.

The 90-Second Confidence Calibration:

Seconds 0-10: Label it. "This is excitement. My body is preparing me to perform."

Seconds 10-40: Ride the wave. Don't fight it. Let the physical sensation peak and begin to fade.

Seconds 40-70: Anchor your focus. Pick one thing you want to communicate in your first 30 seconds. Not the whole presentation—just the opening.

Seconds 70-90: Lock it in. Take one deep breath, say "I've got this" (internally is fine), and go.

The key: you're not suppressing the emotion. You're redirecting it. Big difference.

Want the full framework for managing high-pressure moments? My Calm Under Pressure guide goes deep on this.

AI TIP OF THE WEEK

Create Your Personal Reframe Script

Generic reframes are okay. Personal ones are powerful. Try this prompt:

"I get nervous before [your specific situation]. My physical symptoms include [your symptoms: racing heart, shaky voice, etc.]. Help me create 3 personalised reframe statements that: (1) acknowledge the physical sensation without labelling it as anxiety, (2) connect the arousal to something positive about the situation, (3) end with a forward-focused action. Make them sound like something I'd actually say, not a self-help book."

Need more prompts for presentation prep? Check out my PowerPoint Copilot Quickstart Prompt Pack.

💻 Copilot Corner

Build Confidence Into Your Slides

Your slides can either fuel your nerves or calm them. Most people build decks that increase anxiety (too much detail, too many bullet points, text they have to remember). Try this:

"Restructure this presentation so each slide has: (1) one clear headline that tells the story even if I forget what to say, (2) a visual that anchors the key point, (3) no more than 3 bullet points. The slides should work as speaker confidence cues—if I glance at them and lose my place, I should immediately know what comes next."

Headlines-as-stories means you never freeze. Even if your mind blanks, your slide tells you exactly what to say.

The full playbook for anxiety-reducing slide design: Copilot PowerPoint Master Guide.

ACTION STEPS & COMMUNITY QUESTION

✅ This week's challenge:

The next time you feel pre-performance nerves—before a presentation, a difficult conversation, even a job interview—say "I am excited" out loud (or quietly to yourself if others are around). Then notice what happens.

Don't judge it. Just observe. Did the sensation change? Did your mindset shift even slightly?

Hit reply: What's your go-to strategy for pre-presentation nerves? Does it actually work? I'm curious.

P.S.
If pre-presentation anxiety is something you battle regularly, my Conquer Speaking Fear programme goes much deeper—with exercises, frameworks, and personalised techniques.

Next week: Success Stories— I'm featuring real case studies from professionals who transformed their communication skills. One leader went from dreading board presentations to actively requesting speaking slots. Another rewrote her entire approach to difficult conversations after one mindset shift. Real people, real transformations, real lessons you can steal

Keep building your edge—one conversation at a time.

YOUR OPINION MATTERS!

If you have more feedback or just want to get in touch, respond to this email, and we’ll get back to you!

Thanks for reading!

Until next week!

Mary Beth